it was a short time away and I am not sure I am back yet but anyays....
There are times that self-reflection is some what like a fun house mirror. You aren't really getting a true image of what is really there, or perhaps rephrased reality isn't truly represented by the image you are perceiving.
It is during these times you need the brutely honest opinion of a friend to clean-up that image and tell you what is what thereby setting things straight.
I think I am fairly thick skinned abut things but if I feel I have wronged a friend or that the relationship has been somehow disrespected I ache through my soul over analyzing everything, replaying every word trying to understand what I may have done wrong.
Usually I have exaggerated every aspect of the incident and after hours of self torment I am enlightened to the fact I am the only one that feels that way.
There are other times where that friend has to say "Get your head out of your ass dummy!" because life is passing you by.
Thankfully it is during these times that I am reminded how truly blessed I am to have such great friends. Some of them read my blog, others have no clue that I write this drivel ( okay I know I am self depreciating again but hey it's my blog)
oh great I have lost my train of thought but I think I just wanted to thank all those whom support me , knowingly and unbeknownst to them.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Closed for Repairs
Ever need a little time to restructure your thoughts?
The list of things rattling around my bucket has grown too large and requires some attention.
Too many charities to devote energy to,
Not enough hours in the day to address all my concerns,
Need time in the Sun and need time with the feet up, drinking a cold beverage.
Closed for Repairs.
Never shuts down completely so its like working on a motor while its running.
Delicate surgery
Need to keep the rpms low or soemone will get hurt... mostly me
Check back from time to time - ETR is TBD
The list of things rattling around my bucket has grown too large and requires some attention.
Too many charities to devote energy to,
Not enough hours in the day to address all my concerns,
Need time in the Sun and need time with the feet up, drinking a cold beverage.
Closed for Repairs.
Never shuts down completely so its like working on a motor while its running.
Delicate surgery
Need to keep the rpms low or soemone will get hurt... mostly me
Check back from time to time - ETR is TBD
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Life's what you make it
Baby, life's what you make it
Can't escape it
Baby, yesterday's favourite
Don't you hate it
Baby, life's what you make it
Don't backdate it
Baby, Don't try to shade it
Beauty is naked
Baby, life's what you make it
Celebrate it
Anticipate it
Yesterday's faded
Nothing can change it
Life's what you make it
Chorus: Everything's all right
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJWFbb4zSL0
Can't escape it
Baby, yesterday's favourite
Don't you hate it
Baby, life's what you make it
Don't backdate it
Baby, Don't try to shade it
Beauty is naked
Baby, life's what you make it
Celebrate it
Anticipate it
Yesterday's faded
Nothing can change it
Life's what you make it
Chorus: Everything's all right
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJWFbb4zSL0
Friday, May 22, 2009
Odd things said ... that make no sense
Well I am reminded of that character on SNL "Havenagudtime Vishinuwerehere" when he would quip about silly sayings like - Do not cross a bridge 'til you come to it - he posed the reply "no matter how fast you run you cannot cross a bridge until you come to it.
So Today I ponder the merits of "How does it feel to be a year older?"
Yes it is my Birthday and I am older and it has been a year since my last birthday obviously.
But Today I am not a year older - I am 1 day older...one day since yesterday and since it wasn't overnight that a year has passed so how would I be able to grasp that concept.
I reply in an amusing tone, "Hell I can't remember last week let alone last year!"
another interesting phrase is "don't hold your breath" when waiting for something... Like we would really be able to hold our breath that long it is biologically impossible.
okay enough negativity
Pass the cake and ice cream...
I thought I would not feel old until my age exceeded my waist size...Hurry send me some doughnuts I need to add on some inches quick.
So Today I ponder the merits of "How does it feel to be a year older?"
Yes it is my Birthday and I am older and it has been a year since my last birthday obviously.
But Today I am not a year older - I am 1 day older...one day since yesterday and since it wasn't overnight that a year has passed so how would I be able to grasp that concept.
I reply in an amusing tone, "Hell I can't remember last week let alone last year!"
another interesting phrase is "don't hold your breath" when waiting for something... Like we would really be able to hold our breath that long it is biologically impossible.
okay enough negativity
Pass the cake and ice cream...
I thought I would not feel old until my age exceeded my waist size...Hurry send me some doughnuts I need to add on some inches quick.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Ballet for two.
Morning Bliss... take a deep breath as the crow sings. He is asking where the night has gone, reluctant to start another long day of escorting souls to the ferryman.
The dust particles dance their sparkling ballet in the spotlight of the Sun as it slips past curtains, entertaining all those that are awake enough to notice. Cheered on by the silent applause of the dust bunnies from beneath the bed.
Bittersweet is this time, barely awake still dreaming in the arms of your lover. Desire to remain is pitted against the realistic truth that you must depart to join the world away from one another.
Nostrils filled with the scents of passion, body heavy and tired, heart animated with the joy of life you raise yourself and leave comfort of the warm bed. Startling is the brisk cold of the hardwood floor, chilled by the spring night air. Pulse quickened by touch of your lovers hand as it caresses your bare back, tempting you back to bed.
Alas you must leave...even the glorious aroma from the fresh coffee and warm bread that will greet you in the kitchen does not lessen the effort you must put forth to break away.
As William said so eloquently "parting is such sweet sorrow", but worry not for soon your day will be filled with the mundane tasks you face daily, competing for time in your mind with the anticipate of the evening to come.
...at last the door does close behind you, locking away all that takes up your day. You have returned to your paradise. welcomed by the kiss of your lover to once again dance the dance of Love until 'morrow's dawn.
The dust particles dance their sparkling ballet in the spotlight of the Sun as it slips past curtains, entertaining all those that are awake enough to notice. Cheered on by the silent applause of the dust bunnies from beneath the bed.
Bittersweet is this time, barely awake still dreaming in the arms of your lover. Desire to remain is pitted against the realistic truth that you must depart to join the world away from one another.
Nostrils filled with the scents of passion, body heavy and tired, heart animated with the joy of life you raise yourself and leave comfort of the warm bed. Startling is the brisk cold of the hardwood floor, chilled by the spring night air. Pulse quickened by touch of your lovers hand as it caresses your bare back, tempting you back to bed.
Alas you must leave...even the glorious aroma from the fresh coffee and warm bread that will greet you in the kitchen does not lessen the effort you must put forth to break away.
As William said so eloquently "parting is such sweet sorrow", but worry not for soon your day will be filled with the mundane tasks you face daily, competing for time in your mind with the anticipate of the evening to come.
...at last the door does close behind you, locking away all that takes up your day. You have returned to your paradise. welcomed by the kiss of your lover to once again dance the dance of Love until 'morrow's dawn.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Azreal & Ambriel
behold, I have found them amongst us.....Azreal & Ambriel
as if a veil was lifted their true identities have been revealed.
Azreal the angel of death, quietly passing the days, amusing herself by recanting stories to us. Ever practicing her skills, patiently awaiting the call to duty. Her true calling this death touch lies just below her tumultuous surface, it is the cause of her restlessness. Although she will attest to know her true self it is not in true earnest she does profess it. Hair whose blazen colour likes that of the flames of Hades itself. Her beauty to calm the souls she comes to collect. She is not to be feared for the psychopomp is there to assist us, the lost souls.
We should take pity on her, we should praise her for whom she is. For alas she can only pass time between callings, and during such she chooses to amuse us with the details of her existence.
Ambriel inspires clear communication so that we might better speak our own truth, while gently guiding human beings toward a time when truth and clarity will be the universal norm. She is the counterpoint to Azreal whilst she is not under the call of her duties. She keeps Azreal in check, grounding us in truth. She whispers what we need to know for she is a Capricorn, and Azreal the Aries cannot hear her words of wisdom.
Ambriel protects us with her wisdom, she enlightens us through word and song. She does not sugar coat or exaggerate, merely stating exactly what is so we may face it for what it is. She shall protect and guide you until you disrespect her or threaten someone she loves.
Hail to these Angels, see them for what they are...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopomp
as if a veil was lifted their true identities have been revealed.
Azreal the angel of death, quietly passing the days, amusing herself by recanting stories to us. Ever practicing her skills, patiently awaiting the call to duty. Her true calling this death touch lies just below her tumultuous surface, it is the cause of her restlessness. Although she will attest to know her true self it is not in true earnest she does profess it. Hair whose blazen colour likes that of the flames of Hades itself. Her beauty to calm the souls she comes to collect. She is not to be feared for the psychopomp is there to assist us, the lost souls.
We should take pity on her, we should praise her for whom she is. For alas she can only pass time between callings, and during such she chooses to amuse us with the details of her existence.
Ambriel inspires clear communication so that we might better speak our own truth, while gently guiding human beings toward a time when truth and clarity will be the universal norm. She is the counterpoint to Azreal whilst she is not under the call of her duties. She keeps Azreal in check, grounding us in truth. She whispers what we need to know for she is a Capricorn, and Azreal the Aries cannot hear her words of wisdom.
Ambriel protects us with her wisdom, she enlightens us through word and song. She does not sugar coat or exaggerate, merely stating exactly what is so we may face it for what it is. She shall protect and guide you until you disrespect her or threaten someone she loves.
Hail to these Angels, see them for what they are...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopomp
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
really 25 things.....
#1 - I like fun words - Jocularity, Babaganoosh, stuff like that is just too fun to say.
#2 - My Mind is a little warped - believe me
#3 - I will not be judgemental of you until you try and convert me, so be you and I'll be me.
#4 - I do not consider myself mainstream
#5 - I like to make people question their stereotypes and pre-conceived notions.
#6 - I often find myself playing Devil's Advocate - just to make sure you really think about your issues.
#7 - I do not think in a linear fashion, hence my trouble with writing.
#8 - Sometimes I get distracted easily, but not when I am working on something specific.
#9 - When I am working on a project I don't like to stop to eat or drink, so it makes me a straw boss if your working with me.
#10 - Why 25 ??? couldn't it be 10?
#11 - I like to use sarcasm
#12 - I deflect my insecurities with humor and Tom Foolery
#13 - I self-deprecate a lot... working on that though.
#14 - I used to write more poetry, and draw some too.
#15 - I'm complicated and intriguing.
#16 - I am a terrible typist, but I never try to learn how to type better...lazy I guess.
#17 - was that two things? okay I am addicted to cycling!
#18 - I was punk and alternative before it was mainstream
#19 - I needed anti-depressants for a while
#20 - I give until I am hurt... Screw me once , shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on you again and maybe after the third time I will learn something.
#21 - Sometimes I am too proud to ask for help.
#22 - I cry more now in the last few years than I have in my whole life
#23 - I love to cook, especially for friends because if they enjoy it and are happy I am happy.
#24 - Tomato Soup makes me vomit
#25 - this space intentionally left blank to annoy someone, or to keep the mystery of me alive.
#2 - My Mind is a little warped - believe me
#3 - I will not be judgemental of you until you try and convert me, so be you and I'll be me.
#4 - I do not consider myself mainstream
#5 - I like to make people question their stereotypes and pre-conceived notions.
#6 - I often find myself playing Devil's Advocate - just to make sure you really think about your issues.
#7 - I do not think in a linear fashion, hence my trouble with writing.
#8 - Sometimes I get distracted easily, but not when I am working on something specific.
#9 - When I am working on a project I don't like to stop to eat or drink, so it makes me a straw boss if your working with me.
#10 - Why 25 ??? couldn't it be 10?
#11 - I like to use sarcasm
#12 - I deflect my insecurities with humor and Tom Foolery
#13 - I self-deprecate a lot... working on that though.
#14 - I used to write more poetry, and draw some too.
#15 - I'm complicated and intriguing.
#16 - I am a terrible typist, but I never try to learn how to type better...lazy I guess.
#17 - was that two things? okay I am addicted to cycling!
#18 - I was punk and alternative before it was mainstream
#19 - I needed anti-depressants for a while
#20 - I give until I am hurt... Screw me once , shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on you again and maybe after the third time I will learn something.
#21 - Sometimes I am too proud to ask for help.
#22 - I cry more now in the last few years than I have in my whole life
#23 - I love to cook, especially for friends because if they enjoy it and are happy I am happy.
#24 - Tomato Soup makes me vomit
#25 - this space intentionally left blank to annoy someone, or to keep the mystery of me alive.
Monday, May 4, 2009
... do you think it could be true
Well there is just this one little phrase that tweaks my melon....
"just don't think about it."
excuse me - I am not and have never been able to shut my brain off.
Do the rest you have this ability? I am really? Perhaps I am truly different.
I have tried many many many times to stop my random thoughts, tried to get those plaguing, stress inducing, insanity causing thoughts to stop.
I even try rationalizing with my conscious mind as if it might concede and give in to my bequest for a short break where I might get some sleep.
My brain has two speeds - On and Chaos.
It is comical to me when I recall my feeble attempts to persuade it. I steer the conversation away and reassure myself that it will be okay, try to think of this instead... it plays along for a while but like a Grand Master in chess he has the game planned out 7 moves ahead. I think I am winning and "Checkmate" right back to where I was in the beginning. He chuckles and I swear I can hear him scoff "Foolish boy".
trying to stop my thoughts is akin to those moments in the movies when they try the brakes and and the handle breaks off and they just build up more speed as the approach the impending doom.... (ominous music playing).
Well just a little insight into my inner workings... perhaps it has shed some light on questions you may have had, hopeful it has not made you afraid, very afraid. ( evil laugh inserted here for effect)
well off to argue with myself again - time for bed.
"just don't think about it."
excuse me - I am not and have never been able to shut my brain off.
Do the rest you have this ability? I am really? Perhaps I am truly different.
I have tried many many many times to stop my random thoughts, tried to get those plaguing, stress inducing, insanity causing thoughts to stop.
I even try rationalizing with my conscious mind as if it might concede and give in to my bequest for a short break where I might get some sleep.
My brain has two speeds - On and Chaos.
It is comical to me when I recall my feeble attempts to persuade it. I steer the conversation away and reassure myself that it will be okay, try to think of this instead... it plays along for a while but like a Grand Master in chess he has the game planned out 7 moves ahead. I think I am winning and "Checkmate" right back to where I was in the beginning. He chuckles and I swear I can hear him scoff "Foolish boy".
trying to stop my thoughts is akin to those moments in the movies when they try the brakes and and the handle breaks off and they just build up more speed as the approach the impending doom.... (ominous music playing).
Well just a little insight into my inner workings... perhaps it has shed some light on questions you may have had, hopeful it has not made you afraid, very afraid. ( evil laugh inserted here for effect)
well off to argue with myself again - time for bed.
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