Well there is just this one little phrase that tweaks my melon....
"just don't think about it."
excuse me - I am not and have never been able to shut my brain off.
Do the rest you have this ability? I am really? Perhaps I am truly different.
I have tried many many many times to stop my random thoughts, tried to get those plaguing, stress inducing, insanity causing thoughts to stop.
I even try rationalizing with my conscious mind as if it might concede and give in to my bequest for a short break where I might get some sleep.
My brain has two speeds - On and Chaos.
It is comical to me when I recall my feeble attempts to persuade it. I steer the conversation away and reassure myself that it will be okay, try to think of this instead... it plays along for a while but like a Grand Master in chess he has the game planned out 7 moves ahead. I think I am winning and "Checkmate" right back to where I was in the beginning. He chuckles and I swear I can hear him scoff "Foolish boy".
trying to stop my thoughts is akin to those moments in the movies when they try the brakes and and the handle breaks off and they just build up more speed as the approach the impending doom.... (ominous music playing).
Well just a little insight into my inner workings... perhaps it has shed some light on questions you may have had, hopeful it has not made you afraid, very afraid. ( evil laugh inserted here for effect)
well off to argue with myself again - time for bed.
That must be exhausting. I'm not much of a worrier and my thoughts don't race around making me crazy, but maybe that's just the meds working.
ReplyDeleteI...fucking... HATE when someone says that.
ReplyDeleteReally...
That's right up there with, "just breathe" - Really? Gee. Breathing. You're right, I must be TOLD to do that.
Do these people have friends that are often blue around the lips?
And you know how people say that golf is life? No. Chess is life.
My dad taught me how to play chess at the age of four and I turned around and taught both my kids how to play by the same age.